📝 Am I All Farmed Out?
I was looking at my list of The Long Play games, a list I've "curated" from my actual backlog, and noticed that none of the farming games I own made the cut. How interesting...Not Fields of Mistria (which I bought at Early Access and told myself I would return to when 1.0 comes out), not Roots of Pacha, not Rune Factory, not Coral Island...Which is weird because I love farming games. Or I did. I would spend days playing them. The slow progress, tilling the soil, planting the seeds, the seasons changing. Harvesting the profit. And then doing it all again. I used to love that loop. I couldn't stop! Just one more day would turn into 3 more hours. So what's going on here? Am I just not interested in these types of games anymore?
I feel like this all really started when I bought Pokopia. I bought it when it came out, breaking my no-buy challenge. I was so excited. I'm a fan of Pokemon, of Dragon Quest Builders, of Animal Crossing. It seemed like it would be exactly the game for me. But I ended up regretting that purchase. Yes, it was exciting the first few hours when you're discovering Pokemon everywhere. And the Pokemon are genuinely adorable. But after a while, I started to notice I was just trying to get through the game and finish the story so I could put this game away. And when I look back on my time with it, I feel a bit hollow. I haven't really retained anything emotionally from it. I recently started a Cloud Island with a couple of friends, and thats been really fun getting back into the game. But the only reason it's exciting is because I'm getting emotional feedback from my friends reacting to things that we are doing in the Cloud Island. We are communicating with each other, sharing ideas, building things together. It's fun to log in and see what's happened while I was out.
The other thing I also noticed was all of the games I chose for my list are on my Nintendo Switch. And I have some really great bangers on my Xbox Series X that has been gathering dust. Red Dead Redemption 2. Outer Wilds. Hogwarts Legacy. These are some great games that need to be finished. All of them have been started. And part of me feels like if I had bought these games on my Switch, I would have maybe hunkered down and finished them already. It's a hurdle for some reason to turn on the Xbox and play it on the TV. It's all plugged in, all I need to do is press the "on" button, but for some reason, I much prefer to play handheld on my Nintendo Switch. It just feels like it fits into my life better somehow. It's just sitting here next to me on my couch, while I write this. I can quickly turn it on, play 30 minutes of something, and then continue on with my day. I can "hide it" more easily from my son (because we are still trying to figure out what our household policy is with screen time and video games). So it just feels like it molds itself around my circumstances.
So, yeah, I guess I'm trying to figure out what it is that I want out of games in this sort of like season of my life. And I'm also very aware that what I want at any given moment can change. My menstrual cycle, for example, actually plays a big role in what kind of game I feel engaging with at any point. Which can be annoying because maybe I've started an RPG but when I'm in my late luteal phase, the last thing I want is to play that kind of game. Instead I just want to play a brain off kinda game (Vampire Survivors hello). And so it always feels like I'm stopping and going with whatever I'm playing, never really completing anything. My no-buy challenge has definitely helped sort of rein that in though, because I'm no longer adding games to the collection, so at least it feels more manageable.
I know that I said I couldn't buy any new games for The Long Play. But I kinda cheated. Because I got a GamePass subscription...just for a month! One because my partner really wanted to play some FIFA, and two because we wanted to give that Xbox one more chance before we decide whether to sell it. I also really wanted to play Forza Horizon 6, but I definitely didn't want to pay full price because I knew it would be a game that I would just play for a few hours and get out of it what I needed. But my goodness. Forza Horizon 6 is so much fun. I'm not a racing person. I don't really care about cars. But reader, I drove around Japan for hours. Not racing, just driving. Stopping when I would see something interesting. Exploring the map. Buying cars from the side of the road. Just playing in my own way without really engaging with all that Forza has to offer. I haven't tuned a car. I haven't built a garage. I just did the races so I could race against the big mech (which was so fun!!).
And then there was Barbie horse game (actually I think its called Barbie Horse Trails). I would never have paid for this game. In fact, it wasn't even on my radar. But it was included on GamePass, and I thought "why not try it". The game is a mess...things popping in and out, art style is kinda basic, performance not great (and sure, maybe I'm being unfair because I just played Forza Horizon 6 and IT LOOKS INCREDIBLE). But I didn't care. I was riding a horse, taking pictures of things for the guide book. And I was wearing a face mask (this was not planned). I was completely immersed in peak girlhood. I want more of this. In fact, I've added the Barbie game to my Nintendo Switch wish list...if it ever goes on sale for like 10 euros I'm buying that and a pack of face masks.
So what do I actually want from games? It's a question I keep asking myself these few weeks and the answer keeps changing. I don't think that's a bad thing. It's because I know I'm constantly in motion, constantly changing myself.
I know that sometimes I play to escape. Sometimes I play to feel competent. Sometimes its to discharge something I can't always name, like that particular satisfaction of breaking everything in Donkey Kong Bananza. Sometimes I play to lose myself in a story, to inhabit someone else for a while, to be moved. And sometimes I play to do nothing at all, just exist somewhere with no obligations and a face mask on.
What I want shifts with my energy, my cycle, my mood, the kind of week it's been. The farming games that once felt like rest now feel like work I haven't done yet. The racing game I would've scrolled past became the most fun I had all month. The game I expected to love left me hollow. The one I expected nothing from gave me a peak girlhood moment I am still thinking about.
I thought I was trying to figure out what I want from games. But I think what I actually found is that play resists being pinned down.
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